Monday, January 31, 2011

My Ya-Ya Name

As most of you know hubby and I are going on a bloggers cruise the end of next month. During this cruise we will be hobnobbing with lots of other bloggers, but most importantly we will be cruising with royalty. Thanks to Barb of Aging Gracefully-ish (Duchess PMS) because she helped me find out my princess name.

Sunday, January 30, 2011

Curtis & Leroy II

Curtis and Leroy saw an ad in the Starkville Daily News Newspaper in Starkville, MS. and bought a mule for $100. The farmer agreed to deliver the mule the next day.

The next morning the farmer drove up and said, "Sorry, fellows, I have some bad news, the mule died last night."

Curtis and Leroy replied, "Well, then just give us our money back."

Saturday, January 29, 2011

Curtis & Leroy

Advice from Curtis and Leroy
Limit all U.S.politicians to two terms.
One in office.
One in prison.
Detroit and Chicago already do this.

Friday, January 28, 2011

Aussies...Americans

Aussies: Believe you should look out for your mates.
Brits: Believe that you should look out for those people who belong to your club.
Americans: Believe that people should look out for and take care of themselves.Canadians: Believe that that is the government's job.

H. B. Megan

Guess who's one year old today? It's Megan! Hop over to Lisa's at Live and Learn and wish this little cutie pie a happy first birthday.

♪♪Happy Birthday to you,♪♪
♪♪Happy Birthday to you,♪♪
♪♪Happy Birthday Dear Megan,♪♪
♪♪Happy Birthday to you.♪♪

Thursday, January 27, 2011

MIL Gift

Two guys were talking at work.

"I've got a problem," said the first one.

"What is it?"

Wednesday, January 26, 2011

The Thin Blue Line

A tragic wave of violence against America’s law enforcement officers started this past Sunday, with 11 officers shot within a 24 hour time frame.

I ask you to join me in standing shoulder-to-shoulder with law enforcement, and Stand with the Thin Blue Line. The Memorial Fund is compiling a list of Americans to show our law enforcement community that we stand by them, as they work tirelessly protecting our communities.

Boys vs Girls

"Equal" is not always synonymous with "the same." Men and women are created equal, but boys and girls are not born the same.

You throw a little girl a ball, and it will hit her in the nose. You throw a little boy a ball, and he will try to catch it. Then it will hit him in the nose.

Tuesday, January 25, 2011

Officer Down

Taps! I've heard them way too many times in my career in law enforcement. I've stood at attention at too many funerals. Lately I've been hearing about too many officers killed in the line of duty. It's still January and look at the list of officers that are never going to go home again. Eleven cops have been shot in just the last 24 hours. As most agencies are laying off law enforcement personnel the criminals are getting bolder and bolder.

Monday, January 24, 2011

The Speakeasy

I've been so busy with a million things that I neglected to tell you about my first yacht club function as the commodore. Our rear commodore is responsible for executing all the drive-in functions that he scheduled last year. The first on the docket was The Ryde Hotel. If you missed the post about this event you can read that post HERE.

Sunday, January 23, 2011

Sunday Dinner

The best laid plans don't always work out. Today was going to be the day that our family got together for a big BBQ rib feed. Hubby was going to fix the ribs in what he terms low and slow (low heat for a long time) and I was going to make homemade potato salad, along with asparagus and my famous garlic French bread. Hubby was going to make everyone's favorite dessert. That is what was going to be.

Saturday, January 22, 2011

The Proud Parents

An 18 year-old girl tells her Mom that she has missed her period for two months.

Very worried, the mother goes to the Pharmacy and buys a pregnancy kit. The test result shows that the girl is pregnant.

Shouting, cursing, crying, the mother says, ‘Who was the pig that did this to you? I want to know!’

Friday, January 21, 2011

Thoughts on Golf

In primitive society, when native tribes beat the ground with clubs and yelled, it was called witchcraft; today, in civilized society, it is called golf.

Golf is an expensive way of playing marbles.

Golf is a game in which the slowest people in the world are those in front of you, and the fastest are those behind.

Thursday, January 20, 2011

The Anniversary

A couple was celebrating their golden wedding anniversary. Their domestic tranquility had long been the talk of the town. A local newspaper reporter was inquiring as to the secret of their long and happy marriage.

"Well, it dates back to our honeymoon," explained the man. "We visited the Grand Canyon and took a trip down the bottom of the canyon by pack mule."

Wednesday, January 19, 2011

Dogs and Heaven?

Absolutely unreal that this actually happened! These two churches face each other across a busy street.

Ever seen those signs in front of churches with the moveable letters? Ever wanted to rearrange the letters to make your own church sign? Well, now you can. Choose a design below, add your text, and a personalized church sign photo will be created for you! Save it, send it to a friend, put on your website, or use it however you like. Enjoy!

Tuesday, January 18, 2011

The Veterinarian

One Sunday, while counting the money in the weekly offering, the pastor of a small Florida church found a pink envelope containing $1000. It happened again the next week.

The following Sunday, he watched as the offering was collected and saw a little old lady put the distinctive pink envelope in the plate.

Sunday, January 16, 2011

O and P

A family had twin boys whose only resemblance to each other was their looks. Opposite in every way, one was an eternal optimist, the other boy was a gloomy pessimist.

Just to see what would happen, on the boys birthday their father loaded the pessimists room with lots of games and gadgets. The optimists room he loaded with horse dung.

Saturday, January 15, 2011

The Ryde Hotel

Tonight our yacht club has our first dinner meeting of the year. We are going to The Ryde hotel. It was built in 1927 at the peak of the prohibition era. It was one of the first places I learned about when I start boating in the delta. How many of the stories are true no one knows. The lower level of this hotel used to be a speakeasy, and there are rumors that it was once a bordello. I'm sure it probably was. You can read about the hotels history HERE.

Friday, January 14, 2011

Comment Game

It's time to play the comment game again. We are off to the boat for our first yacht club event of the year. I'll post about that tomorrow so you'll know where we are.

Here's how it goes: I'll start the game off at the bottom of this post by choosing two words or phrases, like coffee or tea, and which ever one you prefer you choose. You can also explain why. When you have done that you do two new words or phrases for the next commenter to choose from. Feel free to come back as often as you like. Just have fun. If someone derails the game will one of you put it back on track? Thanks.

Thursday, January 13, 2011

Blogging Pet Peeves

Things about blogging that makes me scratch my head. OFTEN!

Why do you have comment moderation and word verification at the same time. Do you hate those that comment on your site that much?

Wednesday, January 12, 2011

The Little Red Hen

A modern day little red hen may not sound like or appear to be a quotable authority on economics but then some authorities aren't worth quoting. I'll be right back.

Tuesday, January 11, 2011

Sisters of Mercy

A man was driving down the highway, and sees a sign saying, "Sisters of Mercy, House of Prostitution, 10 miles"

Thinking it is some sort of joke, he pays no attention, until he sees a similar sign reading, "Sister's of Mercy, House of Prostitution, 5 miles."

Still unsure, he drives on, until spotting a third sign saying, "Sister's of Mercy, House of Prostitution, next exit". His curiosity getting the better of him, he takes the exit and parks his car outside the convent.

Monday, January 10, 2011

The Chicken Farmer

A city slicker bought some land in the country and decided he was going to take up chicken farming. He headed out to the local poultry dealer and said, “I’m taking up farming. Give me 100 baby chickens.

” The salesman crated up the chickens for him and he went on his way.

Sunday, January 9, 2011

Homeland Security

Year to date statistics on Airport screening from the Department of Homeland Security:

Terrorist Plots Discovered 0
Transvestites 133
Hernias 1,485
Hemorrhoid Cases 3,172

Saturday, January 8, 2011

Location!

How to know where a driver is from:

One hand on wheel, one hand on horn: New York

One hand on wheel, one finger out window: Chicago

One hand on wheel, one hand on newspaper, foot solidly on accelerator: Boston

Friday, January 7, 2011

New Blonde Prefix

If blondes and bimbos were the same thing, the prefix 'bim' could be used to create new words that describe them:

Bimbabble - noises coming from a group of blondes.
Bimbaffled - constant mental state of blondes.
Bimbait - short skirts, sheer blouses, string bikinis or other clothing worn by blondes in an attempt to attract the attention of males.

Thursday, January 6, 2011

Alzheimer's Test

The following Alzheimer's test was developed as a mental age assessment by the Department of Psychiatry at Harvard University.

Take your time and see if you can read each line aloud without a single mistake.

Wednesday, January 5, 2011

Halley's Comet

A COLONEL ISSUED THE FOLLOWING DIRECTIVE TO HIS EXECUTIVE OFFICERS:

"Tomorrow evening at approximately 2000 hours Halley's Comet will be visible in this area; an event which occurs only every 75 years. Have the men fall out in the battalion area in fatigues, and I will explain this rare phenomenon to them. In case of rain, we will not be able to see anything, so assemble the men in the theater and I will show them films of it."

Tuesday, January 4, 2011

Simple Eye Test

When was your last eye test?!?

Look carefully at the picture below click photo to enlarge if you think your eyesight is beyond par

Did you see the bare bum of the girl in the background???

Ptosis Update

This is not my black eye and this eye looks much better than mine does. The surgery went well, but it wasn't the muscle that was the cause of my droopy eye. It was a stroke to the nerve in my eye that created the droopy eye. He went ahead and tightened the muscle to correct the eye as best he could. We aren't going to know the results until the swelling goes down. I have a slit right now so it's anyone guess how the repair will pan out. I'm hoping for the best, but any improvement will be welcome.

Monday, January 3, 2011

Ptosis Surgery

Today is a day I've looked forward to for a very long time. This past summer I was scheduled for Ptosis surgery and today is the day. This is minor surgery that will take care of my droopy eyelid. The doctor doing the surgery says that a virus is probably the culprit and that this surgery will correct what has been an aggravation to say the least.

Sunday, January 2, 2011

My Resolutions

A 2007 study by Richard Wiseman from the University of Bristol involving 3,000 people showed that 88% of those who set New Year resolutions fail, despite the fact that 52% of the study's participants were confident of success at the beginning. Men achieved their goal 22% more often when they engaged in goal setting, (a system where small measurable goals are being set; such as, a pound a week, instead of saying "lose weight"), while women succeeded 10% more when they made their goals public and got support from their friends.

Saturday, January 1, 2011

Dan McGrew

A bunch of the boys were whooping it up in the Malamute saloon;
The kid that handles the music-box was hitting a jag-time tune;
Back of the bar, in a solo game, sat Dangerous Dan McGrew,
And watching his luck was his light-o'-love, the lady that's known as Lou.

Happy New Year

New Year is the time at which a new calendar year begins and the calendar's year count is incremented. In many cultures, the event is celebrated in some manner. The New Year of the Gregorian calendar, today in worldwide use, falls on 1 January (New Year's Day), as was the case with the Roman calendar. There are numerous calendars that remain in regional use that calculate the New Year differently. Source: Wikipedia