Friday, December 31, 2010

New Years Eve

"Youth is when you're allowed to stay up late on New Year's Eve. Middle age is when you're forced to."
Bill Vaughn

"An optimist stays up until midnight to see the new year in. A pessimist stays up to make sure the old year leaves."
Bill Vaughn

Thursday, December 30, 2010

Resolutions

Are you sick of making the same resolutions year after year and yet you never keep them? Here are some resolutions that you can actually accomplish!

Read less.

I want to gain weight. Put on at least 30 pounds.

Stop exercising. Waste of time.

Wednesday, December 29, 2010

Audi Lynn

On December 26th our granddaughter called us around 8:30 pm to inform us that she was in labor. She had only dilated 1 centimeter so there was a long way to go. We told her to call us in the morning with either the news that the new baby had arrived or she was still in labor.

Tuesday, December 28, 2010

About the Movies

What Movies Have Taught Us

All bombs are fitted with electronic timing devices, which have large red read-outs to tell you exactly when it will go off.

Should you need to pass yourself off as a German officer it will not be necessary to speak the language, a convincing accent will do.

All apartments in Paris overlook the Eiffel tower.

Monday, December 27, 2010

Christmas Blog Hop

Jackie over at The Painted Veil and I are doing a blog hop (Christmas Celebration-hop).

What happens in a blog hop is if you enter your link on my site your link will show up on everyone that is participating in this blog hop.

So go ahead and enter your link.

A Day of Peace

I hope all of my readers had a wonderful Christmas day, well if you celebrate Christmas that is. Many of you remember my not so fun Thanksgiving, and for those that don't you can read about it HERE. We weren't going to do Christmas dinner at all but decided not to penalize the rest of the family for the actions of one. Well that and many of you weighed in on why we should do Christmas. We are so happy we listened to you and decided to host Christmas dinner.

Sunday, December 26, 2010

Romance...

He grasped me firmly but gently just above my elbow and guided me into a room, his room. Then he quietly shut the door and we were alone. He approached me soundlessly, from behind, and spoke in a low, reassuring voice close to my ear. "Just relax."

Saturday, December 25, 2010

Merry Christmas

Earlier this week we played the Story Game (Twas the Night Before Christmas) and this is the finished product. I thought it fitting to post on Christmas Day as you all did so well in doing your usual funny twist. So without further ado here's your masterpiece...

Twas the night before Christmas, when all through the house the presents were laid out and the family were fast asleep dreaming of what they'd find under the tree on Christmas morning.

Friday, December 24, 2010

Cool Person Test

This test is based on how cool you were in High School.

What crowd you ran with, what car you drove, who you dated, etc.

Wednesday, December 22, 2010

The Monastery

At a monastery high in the mountains, the monks have a rigid vow of silence. Only at Christmas, and only by one monk, and only with one sentence, is the vow allowed to be broken.

One Christmas, Brother Thomas is allowed to speak and he says, "I like the mashed potatoes we have with the Christmas turkey!" and he sits down. Silence ensues for 365 days.

Tuesday, December 21, 2010

The $50 Bill

Just before Christmas, an honest politician, a generous lawyer and Santa Claus all got into the elevator at the Ritz Hotel. As the elevator traveled from the 5th floor down to the ground level, one-by-one they noticed a $50 bill lying on the elevator's floor.

Which one picked up the $50 bill, and handed it in at reception?

Monday, December 20, 2010

The Story Game

It's time to play The Story Game again. Here's how it works. I'll start a story. You continue it in comments. Each commenter picks up where the last left off. In a few days I'll give it an ending and post our story with the links to everyone who participated under the heading, "Contributing Authors". You can play as many times as you want. Thanks for playing along and have a great day.

Here's the beginning of our new story: Twas the night before Christmas, when all through the house...

Sunday, December 19, 2010

Comment Game

It's time to play the comment game again. I've a very busy week this week so I wanted you to have something constructive to do. Now play nice okay!

Here's how it goes: I'll start the game off at the bottom of this post by choosing two words or phrases, like coffee or tea, and which ever one you prefer you choose. You can also explain why. When you have done that you do two new words or phrases for the next commenter to choose from. Feel free to come back as often as you like. Just have fun. If someone derails the game will one of you put it back on track? Thanks.

Saturday, December 18, 2010

Little Carol

Little Carol came into the kitchen where her mother was making dinner. Her birthday was coming up and she thought this was a good time to tell her mother what she wanted. 'Mom, I want a bike for my birthday.'

Friday, December 17, 2010

Christmas Celebration

In honor of Jackie's (Painted Veil grand baby Chloe's first Christmas and my upcoming new great grandchild and because it will just be fun, we are hosting a Christmas Celebration blog hop. We will both publish the blog hop at midnight on December 23rd. It will be open until December the 27th at midnight.

Thursday, December 16, 2010

Redneck Traffic Stop

A guy cruises through a stop sign and gets pulled over by a local policeman. The guy hands the cop his driver’s license, insurance verification, and registration. The policeman notices a Concealed Carry Permit as the man was fishing out his drivers license. So the cop asks, “Are you carrying today?”

“Yes, I am.”

“Well then, better tell me what you got.”

Wednesday, December 15, 2010

Let's Say Thanks

If you go to this web site, Let's Say Thanks you can pick out a thank you card and Xerox will print it and it will be sent to a soldier that is currently stationed overseas. You can't pick out who gets it, but it will go to a member of the armed services. How AMAZING it would be if we could get everyone we know to send one!!!

It is FREE and it only takes a few seconds.

Tuesday, December 14, 2010

Sunday's Hymns

A minister decided to do something a little different one Sunday morning.

He said, "Today, in church, I am going to say a single word and you are going to help me preach. Whatever single word I say, I want you to sing whatever hymn that comes to your mind."

Monday, December 13, 2010

Ferd and Gail

It was Thursday, December 9 at about 3:45 in the afternoon when we pulled out of our driveway en-route to Encinal Yacht Club to meet with Ferd author of The Best Parts and Gail author of Gail Birdtale. We had plenty of time as we've made this trip to Encinal Yacht Club so many times before. We had smooth sailing all the way until we got onto Interstate 880 in the bay area. There were posted warnings that there had been an accident and three of the lanes were blocked. Well we were committed so we continued on. It's a seven mile trip on 880 to our turnoff in Alameda.

Sunday, December 12, 2010

Facebook Addiction

The 76-year-old woman walked down the hallway of Clearview Addictions Clinic, searching for the right department. She passed signs for the “Heroin Addiction Department (HAD),” the “Smoking Addiction Department (SAD)” and the “Bingo Addiction Department (BAD).” Then she spotted the department she was looking for: “Facebook Addiction Department (FAD).”

Saturday, December 11, 2010

Paraprosdokian

A paraprosdokian is a figure of speech in which the latter part of a sentence or phrase is surprising or unexpected in a way that causes the reader or listener to re-frame or reinterpret the first part. It is frequently used for humorous or dramatic effect, sometimes producing an anticlimax.

I didn't say it was your fault, I said I was blaming you.

Friday, December 10, 2010

Paraprosdokian

A paraprosdokian is a figure of speech in which the latter part of a sentence or phrase is surprising or unexpected in a way that causes the reader or listener to re-frame or reinterpret the first part. It is frequently used for humorous or dramatic effect, sometimes producing an anticlimax.

I asked God for a bike, but I know God doesn't work that way. So I stole a bike and asked for forgiveness.

Thursday, December 9, 2010

It's All About Ferd

Tonight hubby and I are going to meet and have dinner with another blogger. That blogger is Dr. Ferd Crotte, author of The Best Parts and his lovely wife Princess Gail. They are staying in San Francisco for several days and we've agreed to meet at Encinal Yacht Club for dinner. Here's Ferd's 'It's All About Me' on his other blog Crazy Medical Cases.

Dear God

Dear God: Is it on purpose our names are the same, only reversed?

Dear God: Why do humans smell the flowers, but seldom, if ever, smell one another?

Dear God: When we get to heaven, can we sit on your couch? Or is it still the same old story?

Wednesday, December 8, 2010

A Good Dog

Let me give you a list of just some of the things I must remember to be a good Dog.

1. I will not eat the cats' food before they eat it or after they throw it up.

2. I will not roll on dead seagulls, fish, crabs, etc., just because I like the way they smell.

3. The Litter Box is not a cookie jar.

Tuesday, December 7, 2010

COW Ceremony

It was an exciting night for a bunch of us as many moved up a chair in rank and we have a whole bunch of new directors this year. It should be a fun year and I'm going to do everything I can to make it a fun year. There is work to do, but we can have fun getting the work done too.

Monday, December 6, 2010

The Blind Salesperson

A woman goes into Fishing Shop to buy a rod and reel for her grandson’s birthday. She doesn’t know which one to get so she just grabs one and goes over to the counter.

A Shop assistant is standing there wearing dark shades. She says, “Excuse me, sir. Can you tell me anything about this rod and reel?”

Sunday, December 5, 2010

Old Timers Sex

The husband leans over and asks his wife, 'Do you remember the first time we had sex together over fifty years ago? We went behind the village tavern where you leaned against the back fence and I made love to you.'

Saturday, December 4, 2010

Tropical Snowdrops

Steve over at Burnt Food Dude tells us that December 4th is Cookie Day. Well if that's the case then I'll play along. Here's Steve's instructions:

I have been informed by Mr Food that Saturday December 4th is cookie day! I’ve decided to have a cookie exchange day. All you need to do is either send me your favorite cookie recipe and I’ll post it here next Saturday with a link to your blog. Otherwise, promise to put a cookie recipe on your blog and send me a link to the page that it is on. I’ll post the link here for everyone to follow and get a good cookie recipe.

Friday, December 3, 2010

Change of Watch

Tonight is a very big night for me. We are off to the boat for our last official yacht club meeting of 2010. You know what that means? It means that somewhere during the evening I go from Vice Commodore to Commodore.

This means that I will be the president of our yacht club for the year 2011. It's an exciting time. I've done all the work and now I leave the work to those coming up through the chairs. I will tell you that it's gone by very rapidly.

Thursday, December 2, 2010

Christmas

After 25 years of doing Thanksgiving and Christmas dinner for my family, we've canceled doing the Christmas dinner for this year. We are uncertain if we will ever do the dinners again. It's upsetting and heartbreaking.

Wednesday, December 1, 2010

TSA

Can't see London, can't see France, unless we see your underpants.

Grope discounts available.

If we did our job any better we'd have to buy you dinner first.

Only we know if Lady Gaga is really a lady.