Monday, May 31, 2010

Freedom

All we have of freedom,
All we use or know,
This our fathers bought for us
Long and long ago. - Rudyard Kipling

Sunday, May 30, 2010

Toilet Paper

Fresh from my shower, I stand in front of the mirror complaining to my husband that my breasts are too small.

Instead of characteristically telling me it's not so, he uncharacteristically comes up with a suggestion.

If you want your breasts to grow, then every day take a piece of toilet paper and rub it between them for a few seconds.'

Saturday, May 29, 2010

Distribution

With time, women gain weight because we accumulate so much information and wisdom in our heads that when there is no more room, it distributes out to the rest of our bodies.

So we aren’t heavy, we are enormously cultured, educated and happy.

Friday, May 28, 2010

Psalm 129

The next three days will be jokes from Sarge Charlie. He had surgery on Wednesday and is doing well. Please keep him in your prayers for a speedy recovery, along with his bride Miss Bee who will no doubt wear herself out.

A priest offered a Nun a lift.

Thursday, May 27, 2010

This Week in Entrecard

This is a great big thank you for last weeks advertisers. For those that I honor each week/month I'm well aware of the dedication you show. In order to stay in the top of the heap you're dropping EC every single day. Many of you have more than one blog and that's 300 drops per day per blog.

California vs. Texas

The Governor is jogging with his dog along a nature trail. A coyote jumps out and attacks his dog.

California:

Governor starts to intervene, reflects upon the movie "Bambi" and then realizes he should stop; the coyote is only doing what is natural.

Wednesday, May 26, 2010

An Italian Girl

A woman goes to Italy to attend a 2-week company training session. Her husband drives her to the airport and wishes her to have a good trip.

The wife answers: "Thank you honey, what would you like me to bring for you?"

The husband laughs and says: "An Italian girl!!!"

Tuesday, May 25, 2010

Eureka!

Do you want to learn the secrets of understanding women?

•Would you like to know how women think?

•Understanding girls and women is challenging, but you can do it.

Monday, May 24, 2010

Awww...Mondays

Join us every Monday for Awww...Mondays. Post a picture that makes you say Awww...and that's it.

Make sure you leave a link to your post here and I'll visit your Awww...Mondays post. What better why to start the week than with a smile.

Sunday, May 23, 2010

Tall and Handsome?

Have you ever been guilty of looking at others your own age and thinking, surely I can't look that old? Well, if you have then you'll love this one.

My name is Alice and I was sitting in the waiting room for my first appointment with a new dentist. I noticed his DDS diploma on the wall which bore his full name.

Saturday, May 22, 2010

Control

Control freaks are often perfectionists defending themselves against their own inner vulnerabilities in the belief that if they are not in total control they risk exposing themselves once more to childhood angst. Such persons manipulate and pressure others to change so as to avoid having to change themselves, and use power over others to escape an inner emptiness. When a control freak's pattern is broken, “the Controller is left with a terrible feeling of powerlessness … But feeling their pain and fear brings them back to themselves”.

Friday, May 21, 2010

Coarse Language

An old nun who was living in a convent next to a construction site noticed the coarse language of the workers and decided to spend some time with them to correct their ways.

She decided she would take her lunch, sit with the workers and talk with them. She put her sandwich in a brown bag and walked over to the spot where the men were eating. She walked up to the group and with a big smile said: "Do you men know Jesus Christ?"

Thursday, May 20, 2010

This Week in Entrecard

This is a great big thank you for last weeks advertisers. For those that I honor each week/month I'm well aware of the dedication you show. In order to stay in the top of the heap you're dropping EC every single day. Many of you have more than one blog and that's 300 drops per day per blog.

Osama and Heaven

After his death, Osama bin Laden was allowed a short visit in Heaven.

There he was greeted by George Washington, who proceeded to slap him across the face and yell at him, "How dare you try to destroy the nation I helped conceive!"

Twitter Hop Thursday

Looking for more people to follow you on Twitter? I found this at one of my new favorite spots Moms Wear Your Tees Blog. Follow directions below and join in!!

Welcome to Twitter Hop Thursday, hosted by Simply Stacie, The King's Court IV, Little Yaya's and Blessed, Review Retreat and Moms Wear Your Tees!

Wednesday, May 19, 2010

Hurrying Home...

This video was taken in April the day after Safety Day in Rio Vista. We were hurrying home because there was a storm heading our way. We've learned if there are small craft advisories that we like to have our boat in the shed. We made it with about 30 minutes to spare. See that look on my face as hubby is taking yet another picture/video of me? He's only taken God knows how many. Most of our yacht club looks at him this way as well. He's always got that camera in someones face. All part of being the club photographer.

Tuesday, May 18, 2010

Fail...

I got a kick out of the above photograph as I met a dog this past weekend that reminded me of this photograph. I'm sure he would have chewed up his training material too. Evil little hairball.

Now the person that put the sign on this gate doesn't have a clue. I'm just hoping that this person will never procreate.

Monday, May 17, 2010

Awww...Mondays

Join us every Monday for Awww...Mondays. Post a picture that makes you say Awww...and that's it.

Make sure you leave a link to your post here and I'll visit your Awww...Mondays post. What better why to start the week than with a smile.

Sunday, May 16, 2010

The Crocs...

Two Crocodiles were sitting at the side of the swamp near the lake. The smaller one turned to the bigger one and said, "I can't understand how you can be so much bigger than me. We're the same age; we were the same size as kids. I just don't get it."

"Well," said the big Croc, "what have you been eating?"

Saturday, May 15, 2010

Lessons #3

Confessions of a Cashier is another site I visit on a fairly regular basis. The Cashier's profile reads, 'I'm just an innocent cashier stuck in a world of irritatingly annoying people I like to call Customers.' That should give a good hint on what you're going to find on this site. Reading the daily happenings of this cashier makes me sure that I would never, I repeat never, be a cashier. Check out Just Say NO! and Another Crappy Kid Story.

Friday, May 14, 2010

The Funeral

As a bagpiper, I was asked by a funeral director to play at a graveside service for a homeless man who had no family or friends. The funeral was to be held at a cemetery in the remote countryside and this man would be the first to be laid to rest there.

As I was not familiar with the backwoods area, I became lost and being a typical man, did not stop for directions. I finally arrived an hour late. I saw the backhoe and the crew who were eating lunch but the hearse was nowhere in sight.

Thursday, May 13, 2010

This Week in Entrecard

This is a great big thank you for last weeks advertisers. For those that I honor each week/month I'm well aware of the dedication you show. In order to stay in the top of the heap you're dropping EC every single day. Many of you have more than one blog and that's 300 drops per day per blog.

Bottle of Wine

A woman and a man are involved in a car accident on a snowy, cold Monday morning; it's a bad one. Both of their cars are totally demolished, but amazingly neither of them is hurt. God works in mysterious ways. After they crawl out of their cars, the man is yelling about women drivers.

Honest Scrap Award

Lydia at Still On The Verge gave me the Honest Scrap award. Thank you so very much Lydia. Super big hug. I'm supposed to tell you eight things about myself, but I'm leaving for the boat in about an hour and I just don't have time to do that. Well, that and everyone knows I rarely follow the rules. I just want to make sure that I had this post up to show my appreciation in receiving this award.

Twitter Hop Thursday

Looking for more people to follow you on Twitter? I found this at one of my new favorite spots Moms Wear Your Tees Blog . Follow directions below and join in!!

Welcome to Twitter Hop Thursday, hosted by Simply Stacie, The King's Court IV, Little Yaya's and Blessed, Review Retreat and Moms Wear Your Tees!

Wednesday, May 12, 2010

Remember...

Once you get over the hill, you'll begin to pick up speed.

If it weren't for STRESS I'd have no energy at all.

Whatever hits the fan... Will Not Be Evenly Distributed.

Everyone has a photographic memory. Some, like me, just don't have any film.

Tuesday, May 11, 2010

Don't Touch Me!

An older couple is lying in bed one morning. They had just awakened from a good night's sleep.

He takes her hand and she responds, 'Don't touch me.'

'Why not?' he asked.

Monday, May 10, 2010

Awww...Mondays

Join us every Monday for Awww...Mondays. Post a picture that makes you say Awww...and that's it.

Make sure you leave a link to your post here and I'll visit your Awww...Mondays post. What better why to start the week than with a smile.

Sunday, May 9, 2010

Before I was a Mom

Before I was a Mom,

I never tripped over toys or forgot words to a lullaby.
I didn't worry whether or not my plants were poisonous.
I never thought about immunizations.

Saturday, May 8, 2010

Lessons #2

Jennifer over at Dust Bunny Hostage has a great post (My my my, how things do change) on the different approach parents and grandparents take to children. Parents tend to be very strict with their kids whereas grandparents tend to be more lenient. This is so very true. I was laughing all the way through her rant. I could so relate as I had the very same rant back in the day. Before grand-babies that is.

Friday, May 7, 2010

Apples and Wine

Women are like apples on trees. The best ones are at the top of the tree. Most men don't want to reach for the good ones because they are afraid of falling and getting hurt.

Instead, they sometimes take the apples from the ground that aren't as good, but easy.

Thursday, May 6, 2010

This Week in Entrecard

This is a great big thank you for last weeks advertisers. For those that I honor each week/month I'm well aware of the dedication you show. In order to stay in the top of the heap you're dropping EC every single day. Many of you have more than one blog and that's 300 drops per day per blog.

Color is Good

Yesterday I went to the doctor for my yearly physical.

My blood pressure was high.

My cholesterol was high.

I'd gained some weight, and I didn't feel so hot.

Twitter Hop Thursday

Looking for more people to follow you on Twitter? I found this at one of my new favorite spots Moms Wear Your Tees Blog . Follow directions below and join in!!

Welcome to Twitter Hop Thursday, hosted by Simply Stacie,
The King's Court IV, Little Yaya's and Blessed, Review Retreat and Moms Wear Your Tees!

Wednesday, May 5, 2010

Never Question a Drunk

A woman was shopping at the local supermarket where she selected:

A half-gallon of 2% milk
A carton of eggs
A quart of orange juice
A head of lettuce
A 2 lb. can of coffee
A 1 lb. package of bacon

Tuesday, May 4, 2010

Caption This Winners

I want to thank everyone that participated in this weeks 'caption this' contest. I sure have a great time reading all your captions.

I going to make this a once a month post on the first Sunday of each month, so make sure you swing by and throw your two cents (caption) into the hat.

Three Wishes

A woman was out golfing one day when she hit her ball into the woods. She went into the woods to look for it and found a frog in a trap. The frog said to her, "If you release me from this trap, I will grant you 3 wishes."

The woman freed the frog. The frog said, "Thank you, but I failed to mention that there was a condition to your wishes -- that whatever you wish for, your husband will get 10 times more or better!"

Monday, May 3, 2010

Awww...Mondays

Join us every Monday for Awww...Mondays. Post a picture that makes you say Awww...and that's it.

Make sure you leave a link to your post here and I'll visit your Awww...Mondays post. What better why to start the week than with a smile.

Sunday, May 2, 2010

Opening Day Pictures!

Organized by the Pacific Inter-Club Yacht Association (PICYA), which was formed in San Francisco in 1896 to improve communications between yacht clubs, provide uniform racing rules, and encourage yachting. Today PICYA is the only organization in Northern California that supports the promotion of recreational boating through the coordination and dissemination of information for the benefit of boaters. It publishes the Yachting Yearbook, the annual directory of member clubs and information, and created Recreational Boaters of California, a governmental advocacy organization committed to promoting the enjoyment, protections, and responsible use of our waterways.

Caption This

Photo captions, also known as cutlines, are a few lines of text used to explain or elaborate on published photographs. In some cases captions and cutlines are distinguished, where the caption is a short (usually one-line) title for the photo, while the cutline are a longer, prose block under the caption, generally describing the photograph, giving context, or relating it to the article.

Saturday, May 1, 2010

Things I've Learned

Karen of Karen & Gerard Zemek does a 7 Things I Learned This Week every Friday. I really enjoy that post and decided I would do one similar. Mine will be on goofy stuff though. You know things that make you snort your soda out of your nose. Yeah, that kind of goofy.